Sunday, July 1, 2012

the one that got away

Last week Nate and I went up to Oak Park to look for possible apartments.  Nate had been diligently searching for open rentals and made appointments for us to look at 12 over the course of 2 days.  We saw a wide variety of options, all with glaring pros and cons.  Some had great space but were in disrepair, others looked beautiful and well cared for but were too small.  Some were just too darn ugly for me to consider.  When we walked into #11, I knew I was in trouble.  Tons of sunlight, adorable stained glass, crisp white built-in bookshelves.  I was in love.  The rest of the apartment was pretty great too.  Plenty of space, great layout, loads of sun pouring in.  We left knowing we wanted the apartment.  Nate spoke to the listing agent the next day and got the process started, submitting our social security numbers for a background check and all that.  The next time he would be up there, on Monday, he planned to sign the papers and that gorgeous apartment would be ours!  I was itching to get up there and start decorating/organizing/settling.
i'm all about the white fireplace and bookshelves.  and that stained glass was right up my alley.

Then Friday the agent called and said someone else had seen the apartment and, check in hand, signed the papers that day.  They beat us to the punch.  It was naive of us to think they would hold it for us, I guess.  I really thought just knowing that we intended to sign for it would be enough for them, but that was silly.  And I honestly didn't know the rental market in Oak Park was that competitive.

I'm very sad about losing that apartment.  It was such a beautiful space and I saw myself happily working on quilts and onesies and projects galore within its sunny rooms.  Oh well.  Nothing to do but get over it.  We have an appointment to see another place tomorrow.  I'm trying to decide whether I can trust Nate to look at it alone or if I should go up and see it too.  I know from the pictures that I'm not going to like it as much as the other place, on a purely aesthetic basis.  But I am trying to be a grown up and realize that the overall space and location is more important than stained glass and white bookshelves.  I'm going to try to give it a fair chance.  I'm afraid I might pine after that other apartment for a long time, though.
this little sunroom would have been my crafting space.  look at that arched doorway!  sigh.

Generally speaking I have been in a funk lately, and losing this apartment did not help matters.  This whole transition period is awkward....  I feel a little lost, like I don't have a home.  Because I don't really.  We are staying with Nate's parents for the time being because I felt like it was too hard to live in our house and keep it clean enough for frequent showings.  And while I am extremely grateful for their hospitality which is saving my sanity (cleaning for hours only to have it undone in 5 minutes once the boys came back inside was taking its toll), you can never feel 100% relaxed when you are a guest in someone's home.  I didn't feel at home in our house, either, though.  Once you start letting strangers in to scrutinize your house, that house doesn't feel as much like home.  I guess what it comes down to is that I'm ready to find a new space and get our new life set up and organized...  I have a strong urge to nest and settle, but nowhere to direct that particular energy.  So it is all getting bottled up and making me feel a little crazy at the moment.  I know it won't be long now.... Either two or four weeks until we move and I can start the process.  I don't want to sound over-excited to move and leave this area.  There are many things here I will miss, many people I will miss seeing.  It's just that straddling this line of being here, the old place, and being there, the new place, is wearing me out.  I'm ready to make the leap and put my whole self into starting our new life.  Let's do this thing.  I'm ready.

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