Tuesday, May 11, 2010

mother's day.

I had a really nice day Sunday.  The weather could not have been more gorgeous, and we spent most of the day outside.  We took a nice walk in the woods, had lunch with Nate's family, hung out in his sister's yard, came back to our house and tilled up the garden, then had dessert with my family.  A full day, but in a good way.

I took what I thought were some good pictures of me and the boys.

Sometimes I want another baby.  It's baby fever, a classic case.  It waxes and wanes.  Right now I am on the downswing, thank goodness, but when it gets fired up it can make me pretty miserable.  Nate thinks our family is just right as is, and I agree that what we have is pretty close to perfect.  I just want a little MORE perfection, I guess.  Just a little more.  Financially it's not a smart time to go for number three, so I am trying to wait very patiently.  Even if things loosen up in that regard, there would still be the matter of convincing Nate to give up our sleep and sanity just one more time.  So I don't know if it will ever happen.  Today I feel okay with that.  In a couple months it might be making me crazy and desperate and angry and ridiculous.  I'm a pretty fun person to live with.

For now I am content.  I live with three individuals who love and accept me, who put up with a lot of ups and downs, who can always make me smile if I choose to let go of the little stuff and see the whole, big, amazing picture that is my life.  It's nice to be celebrated and spoiled for a day.  I'll take it.  But the truth is I feel undeserving, humble, grateful.  I'm the lucky one.

1 comment:

Christina said...

Simon is soo big. Wow. You have such a way of summing up complex emotions. I always appreciate your honesty in your writing.