Thursday, June 26, 2008

words

My two favorite kinds of ice cream are Haagan Dazs Mint Chip, and Baskin-Robbins' Mint Chocolate Chip. The Haagan Dazs variety is an off white color, since it doesn't have any added color. The chips are big and chunky. The Baskin-Robbins' flavor is bright green, full of toxic food coloring, no doubt. The chips are more like shavings, very thin and melt-in-your-mouthable. The thing they have in common is the perfect ratio of ice cream to chips. Many other brands try, but none that I have tried quite get it: I expect multiple chips in every bite, people! EVERY BITE.
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I ran this morning for the first time in a week. The party planning got me off track a bit. I'm trying to follow a program outlined in this book. I really like this guy's approach. He's all about going at your own pace, and insists you can call yourself a runner even if you're running slow as molassas and you take frequent walking breaks. So this program is organized by weeks. Each week you walk a little less and run and little more, 3 times a week, and then 4 times weekly later on. You start off running 1 minute and walking 5, and 12 weeks later you will be running five minutes and walking 1. I'm at the half-way point, running 3 minutes and walking three minutes. It seems pretty manageable, so I'm hopeful I'll be able to stick with it. The author of the book claims that he can teach you to love running.... to get out there and pound the pavement for the sheer love of it. I have my doubts about that, but am trying to keep an open mind.

The biggest challenge I have in keeping up with my running program is getting up at 5:45 instead of hitting snooze until 6:30. I'm so tired. I'm trying to get to bed at a decent hour, which I manage about 50% of the time. Also, I'm still not having many nights of sleep that are uninterrupted. If it's not T waking up, it's S tiptoeing downstairs and curling up in bed with us. It that doesn't wake me up, an elbow to the boob usually does. I know it might seem ridiculous to let a 5 year old sleep with us. Believe me, I've discouraged it. We talk about ways he can get back to sleep in his own bed if he wakes up. But talking about it is all I'm really willing to do. I recently heard of someone spanking their 6 year old for waking them up in the night. That story made me so sad, I made an internal vow to try to never punish my children for seeking comfort. Yes, I'd like a full night's sleep, but I know there won't be a child coming to my bed forever. Seven more years, max, if T comes to our bed until he's nine, Gaylord Focker style (did anyone else see that movie?).
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This is my third day doing the Oprah cleanse. From this book. I first became interested in doing this cleanse after reading about it on Heather Armstrong's site. (In a funny turn of events, I read this morning that Dooce decided to stop the cleanse after 8 days because it supposedly made her very sick. I'm going to keep going, though). So here is what I'm giving up during these three weeks (or as long as I make it): caffeine, alcohol, animal products, sugar, and gluten. The first two are a non-issue for me. Sugar is somewhat hard, gluten is proving very difficult. I'd say bread is what I miss the most so far.

My reason for trying this is to develop a greater consciousness regarding what I put in my mouth. I've been struggling with my weight since T was born, and I've developed a lot of unhealthy eating habits. My emotions affect my eating more than ever before in my life, and most recently I've established a nasty pattern that goes like this: 1. Decide to get healthy and go on some sort of diet (or cleanse?); 2. Fall of the wagon after two or three days; 3. Feel really sad/angry/depressed about my weight and commence to eating lots of ice cream and candy; 4. Start another diet, weighing a little more and feeling slightly less hopeful that it will work.

I can't say what it is about this cleanse that makes me think it might make a difference. Maybe it 's just that I have to keep trying something, anything. Maybe it's that this cleanse is in no way about losing weight. It's about giving my body a break from anything that might be hard to process, and about putting more time and thought into what I'm feeding myself. I do think that I obsess over my weight too much. I saw this video the other day that really gave me pause. I don't know if I can agree with her every point (and she has a lot, doesn't she? Possibly could've edited this video more. As if I'm one to talk about editing. Hello, gargantuan blog post!), but what stuck with me was her line about living your life. Yeah, I'd like to do that. Worrying about my weight takes a lot of mental space and energy. Maybe it's time for me to accept my shape and size. Maybe it's time to start using food to care for myself as I am now, instead of using it to punish myself for not looking like I did when I was twenty.

Yes, so, cleanse. Twenty one days. Maybe. A little gift for my body, and possibly a new chapter in how I look at myself.
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Over the weekend Nate and I watched a pretty incredible movie. The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. Wow. I had been avoiding watching it because I thought it might be too sad, even though I knew it was supposed to be good. It was sad, but it was also moving and inspiring. I would recommend it highly.

Fin.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Laura- I love to read about your latest doings with the boys and your crafting - I especially love the chair projects. I do want you to ask my little boy, Colin about the "six month sleeping bag experiemnt"when he was three. I am not sure if he remembers it the same way we do, but we did get to sleep all night. parents deserve sleep. Barb in Urbana

Anonymous said...

"experiment" oops!

Maiasaura said...

Hi, Barb! The Six Month Sleeping Bag Experiment sounds intriguing. I'm going to ask Colin. Thanks for saying hello. xo

sarah hedman said...

Laura, loved your comment about using food to care for yourself instead of trying to look like you did when you were twenty. i definitely need to change my perspective on this too. I see food as my enemy - an enemy that i love very much. I htink this might be why i always struggle with my weight too. Love to read your thoughts and hope we can get together soon. love you!